Humor Files: Computer

Herein are the Humor files least likely to be 'gotten' in terms of humor. The subjects are obscure computer languages, puns based on coding techniques, and references to marketing and software engineering long since buried under the sands of time. These are also most likely some of the oldest textfiles on this site, with many dating to the 70's and early 80's, and maybe the occasional 60's document retyped and uploaded as networks became more prominent.

If you don't laugh, it's not you. if you do laugh, it is. Geek.

Description of the Textfile
BOFHThe Bastard Operator From Hell Series
1-liners.txt 79530
Collection of Computer-Based and other One-Liners
1984.c 20608
Obfuscated C Code Winners for 1983 and 1984
1st.bug 1357
The Origin of the "Computer Bug", back in 1945
2genesis.txt 4853
Genesis Verison 2.0
300bps.txt 4793
101 Things to Do with a 300 Baud Modem
386code.txt 1849
Undocumented 8088/8086/80286/80386 Instruction Set
60_minut.arp 10510
Weird 60 Minutes Parody
HackTest.512 19848
The Hacker Test, Version 1.0, 06/16/1989
_vax.bugs 694
VAXOLOGY: A Poem about Vaxes
accgag.txt 1604
How to See the Secret Gag File and Credits for MS Access from Winpoint BBS
acronyms.hum 1667
Some improved computer acronyms
acronyms.txt 1578
Acronyms of Computers Explained
actual_c.res 4207
Some REALLY WEIRD Compiler Responses
actung.hum 414
Fake German Warning about das blinkenlights
addict.dat 12940
Quiz to Tell if you're a Modem Addict
ahole-03.txt 6234
What Assholes Do, by The Master of Reality and Zandar Zen of Neon Knights
ai.koans 2351
Koans about Artifical Intelligence
al.koa 3517
Artifical Intelligence Koans
alice.jok 12793
Alice in DIGITALland (Parody)
alice.txt 6006
Alice in UNIX Land
alices_n.ser 18810
Alice's NNTP Server (To the Tune of "Alice's Restaurant")
alices_p.dp1 13799
Alice's PDP-10 (To the tune of "Alice's Restaurant")
alices_r.str 14308
MIT's AI Lab (To the Tune of "Alice's Restaurant")
aliceunix.txt 5312
Alice in UNIX Land
alicunix.fic 6456
Alice in UNIX-Land (Parody)
alternat.osi 8821
Alternatives to OSI by Jock C. St. Martin
amigause.txt 6784
101 Things to Do with a Dead Amiga
anthem.hac 735
The Hacker's Anthem by Cheshire Catalyst (Tap #87)
anthropo.stu 5698
The Pedagological Tribal System of Primitive Cultures of the Scientific Research Community by Sara Duncan
antimodm.txt 2751
The Anti-Modem Weapon, by the Enemy Within
aol.txt 3276
Diary of an AOL User (Humor)
ap.calcul 1586
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Calculus, But Were Afraid to Pass
apg.hum 5582
The Story of the Apple Pirate's Guild
appconspir.txt 1875
A Conspiracy Theory about Poor Apple Products Around Windows 95 (December 18, 1995)
applefridge.txt 1046
The Apple Trumps the Fridge
applemaf.hum 21388
The Apple Mafia Story
appleuk.txt 24489
Special Edition Apple Internal Product News (AIPN) (1995) 4369
Why the USENET April Fool's Contest was Called Off
aptel89.txt 6913
Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '89
aptel90.txt 6919
Applied Telecommunications goes to Computing '90
are_you_.ner 4325
Are you an Internet Nerd?
art-erot.asc 46930
AE: Artificial Eroticism
art.stu 5625
Artificial Stupidity: A New Breakthrough, by Michael Ferris
artifici.hum 5827
Artificial Stupidity
ask.not 2446
Sanity in Automating Keyword Abstracting, or how NOT to Title your Papers
asshole3.txt 7277
What Assholes Do 3: AE Assholes, by The Neon Knights
assholes 3584
What Assholes Do II by The Metallian of Metal Communications
assholes.ii 9856
What Assholes Do II by The Blade and The Metallian of The Neon Knights
assholes.iii 6400
What Assholes Do III by Master of Reality and Zandar Zan of Neon Knights
assholes.txt 4765
What Makes People Assholes
asshols2.txt 11475
What Assholes Do 2: By The Blade and The Metallian of Neon Knights
auto.weapns 3262
When you get two CMU CS Students together, the topics drift to Automatic Weapons 1664
Parody of Michael Jackson's "Beat It": B00T It, by Anonymous
babbage.hum 7590
BABBAGE - The Programming Language of the Future
babbage.txt 7589
BABBAGE: The Computer Language of the Future!
babe.txt 862
Tal performs a perfect e-mail body slam
badcomps.hum 2473
Creative Computing Slams all the Computers
badcomps.txt 2472
"The World's Worst Computers", From CREATIVE COMPUTING, Sept 85
balls.txt 2845
Mouse Balls are Available as a Field Replacement Unit
bardbyte.hum 9235
Shakespeare never had a computer!
basiczen.txt 21536
BASICA ZEN, or "Real Men Program in C", by John Richard De Palma
bbs30.asc 3310
The 30 Commandments of BBSing
bbshackers.txt 13917
The History of the BBS User: A Musical Drama in Five Parts
bbslist.hum 1270
Some typical BBS names, circa 1985
beer_os.txt 4572
The Beers of the Software World (Operating Systems Portrayed as Beers)
bell.died 4618
The Day Bell System Died, a Parody by Lauren Weinstein
belle.seized 2535
The US Impounds a Chess Computer, 1982
bible.c 3872
The C Programming Language, redone as a Biblical Passage
blinken.txt 850
bluedoor.hum 4990
Angry anti-IBM sentiment conversation
bofb.1 7538
The Bastard Operator From Britain
bofh.1 3854
Bastard Operator From Hell #1
bofh.10 4304
Bastard Operator From Hell #10
bofh.11 3211
Bastard Operator From hell Lives! #11
bofh.12 4519
Bastard Operator From Hell #12
bofh.13 4013
Bastard Operator From Hell #13
bofh.2 2338
Bastard Operator From Hell #2
bofh.3 3401
Bastard Operator From Hell #3
bofh.4 3553
Bastard Operator from Hell #4
bofh.5 3775
Bastard Operator From Hell #5
bofh.6 2625
Bastard Operator From Hell #6
bofh.las 5778
The Last Bastard Operator From Hell!
bootit.hum 2899
Sexual meanings of computer messages, and "Beat It" Parody
borghack.jok 1017
Star Trek: The Next Generation.. Data Becomes a Hacker
borgstew.jok 4648
Recipe for an Enterprise Stew
br_ode.txt 812
An Ode to the BR, by the Great Rabbi Bajzheet
bsmfh01.txt 2851
The Bastard System Manager from Hell #1
bsmfh02.txt 2003
The Bastard System Manager from Hell #2
bsubs.hum 3468
"Simulation" of calling BuSUBS.
bugfix.txt 2494
A Few of the Lesser Known Programming Quotes
bugs.jok 7996
Bugs: How to Remove them from All Programs
bungl.set 2995
Overextended Mnemonics
buzzword.txt 1422
Some False Data Processing Definitions
c.jok 1002
An Ode to C
c64.txt 6015
The Commodore 64 User: A Text File, by Frank LaRosa of the Searchlight BBS
c64hater.hum 10402
The Complete Commie Hater's Handbook, by The Cracksman
c64story.txt 10410
Anti-C64 User Story, with Self-Serving Disclaimer from BBS Sysop as bonus!
c64user.txt 9737
Anatomy of a C64 user - a SysOp's guide to Commodore users, by Electrik Kool Aid, April 1990
c_minus.min 1906
The Great new C-- Package! Void Oriented Programming
caa-pt1.hum 189755
The First Part of Steve Roberts' Incredible Computer Commute
cacm.byte 5253
BYTE TO Merge with Communications of the ACM
calloftheday.txt 1877
The Apple Support Call of the Day
catcha.lion 3463
A contribution to the mathematical theory of big game hunting 1586
Which Wins: The Information Superhighway or a Minivan?
cform1.txt 1024
Generic USENET Posting Reply Form
cform3.txt 462
Standard Bonehead Reply Form (Short)
chain.again 18511
Extremely Old Chain Letter, Included for Historical Headers 3854
The MIT Robot Chaperone (Version 1.00B)
chatrbbs.hum 16946
Chat Between The Slipped Disk and a Pissed RBBS Sysop
chern.vax 16507
The USSR on Usenet
cis.hum 2603
The Joys of Compusex! 482
How Client Server Computing is like Teenage Sex
cmu.test 53160
The Unisexual, Omnisexual Purity Test, Version 3.5a 1985
cobol.txt 1791
Literary Criticism meets COBOL
codegeek.txt 20841
Robert Hayden's Code of the Geeks v1.0.1
coffee.mkr 2909
Man Page for a Coffee Maker
cold.bymail 3707
Netmail Spreads Common Cold, 30 November 1983
command.txt 3535
The 30 Commandments of BBSing
commands.hum 8231
Some additional assembly language commands
commsens.hum 6862
Some common sense to use when logging onto BBSs.
comp.jok 8832
Microcomputer Mania.. A New Mental Disorder?
compaq_a.txt 4425
Compaq Wishes To Apologize For This Advertisemen
comparo.txt 5437
Parody of "My Favorite Things" by J. Benson & J. Doll
compatbl.hum 3898
A problem in the making for the HAL 9000
compdic.txt 17027
Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary (1987)
compdict.txt 16221
Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary, by Bruce Tonkin, Computerpeople Monthly, Dec. 1987
compgran.hum 2520
Don't Take Computers for Granted!
complang.txt 2990
Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy by Daniel Solomon & David Rosenblueth
complexi.hum 3939
The Incomplete and Abridged Computer Term Lexicon
complove.jok 10294
Hacker Wants to Marry His Computer, from The Sun, (January 17, 1989)
compsci.jok 4942
Parody of UNC Computer Course Listings, 1990
compstor.txt 3283
Computer Stories from a Field Service Engineer
compusex.jok 3701
The Adventures of Mini and Micro
computer 3224
The List of "Real Computers"
computer.say 9196
Collection of Computing One-Liners
computer.txt 2085
The Book of Genesis from a Computer Perspective
computer.uni 2460
In the Beginning, God Created the Bit
computersongs-1.4 336786
Computer Songs and Poems, Version 1.4 06, August 1994
consult.txt 6574
The Confessions of an Unpaid Consultant, by Stephen Manes (July 1996)
coollngo.txt 5202
The Rules of Cyberpunk and the Slang of Cyberpunk
copyrite.c64 11596
Extremely Huge Commodore Disclaimer 90374
The Complete Guide to Cows, Summer 1990, Part 1
cow.gui 30989
The Complete Guide to Cows, November 1989
cpuns.c 3788
C Program Loaded with Puns
crackers.hum 2202
Watch Out For Them Crackers!
cray.txt 2499
Making Conversions between Crays and Commodore 64s (July 28, 1990)
cray7.jok 1638
Cray's Incredible New Solar System-Powered Computer
creation.jcl 2267
A JCL Program for the Creation
creation.txt 15175
A Number of Computer-Related Creation Myths
creators.hoa 3660
From Computerworld 1 April: Creators Admit C, UNIX Hoax 6533
The Timeline for Microsoft Food For Windows
customer.sup 2837
Support is Hell: The Torture Never Stops
d00d.txt 9845
The SysOp's Guide to D00Dspeak
dategineer.txt 1280
The Top Ten Reasons to Date and Not to Date an Engineer
ddt.histry 661
The History of the term DDT for a Dec Debugger
dead1.hum 18129
The History of the BBS User (A Musical Drama in 5 Parts)
dead2.hum 33406
The History of the BBS User Part II
dead3.hum 60484
The History of the BBS User Part III
dearemil.pos 12648
Dear Emily Postnews
dec.mail 3236
Why the RX-02 Floppies Absolutely Suck
dec.wars 31839
DEC WARS: The Definitive Collection
decwars.jok 23728
decwars.txt 33057
The Saga of DEC Wars
define.txt 8192
Computer Term List, Stolen from a Vax by King Herman
desktop.txt 7638
Desktop Publish and Be Damned!
dfc 4889
Microsoft Corp. Announces Latest Acquisition (Olympia, WA)
disclaim.jok 3626
The contents of stddisclaimer.h, the Internet's Standard Disclaimer
diseases 4035
The First Book of Computer Phobias, Disorders, and Diseases, by The Warriors
diseases.txt 3433
The First Book of Computer Phobias, Disorders, and Diseases, by The Warriors
diskdriv.txt 1992
Ways to get Rid of problems with Disc Drives, by Jason Harlow
diskrigg.txt 12316
The Disk Rigger Rodent Story, by The Sector Vector
dljunkie.txt 3257
Confessions of a Download Junkie
doa6.txt 23225
MACROS: A Way of Life, or, Altering the English Language For Fun and Profit
document.dat 6780
Documenting Useless Programs, by Scoop
doodz 9736
The SysOp's Guide to D00Dspeak 3293
What the wizards FAQ might look like if there were a
dpdef.txt 2986
Alternate Data Processing Definitions
dr.seuss 2951
A Grandchild's Guide to Using Grandfather's Computer
dream.jok 2146
The Man Page for the DREAM Program 1896
The Man Page for Dreaming
dreamman.jok 1895
A Man Page for Dreaming
duran.txt 1392
"The Password" to the tune of "The Reflex" by the Slipped Disk
elim2k 3860
Ad for the Eliminator 2000 (Destroys annoying BBS Users)
elite.cmd 5946
The Commandments of Eliteness
emoticon.txt 6302
Collection of common acronyms and emoticons on Compuserve
engineer.son 6020
The Engineers' Drinking Song (Lady Godiva)
engineercar.txt 1293
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager in a Car (Joke)
errno.2 2470
A Contest from USENIX for the Most Humorous UNIX Error Codes
errors.funny 53161
The Canonical List of Error Messages that Are Funny
ethics.txt 9058
Ethics for BBS Users: Some Points of Etiquitte
eunuchs.jok 2679
EUNUCH Programmer's Manual by Jonathan E. Brickman
evan.dream 1802
Evan Had a Dream
everleec.hum 6207
The Ever Present Leeches
exam 3501
Qualifying Examination for Co-Sysop Access
excuses.txt 3691
The Programmers and Sysops Excuse File by The Nomad
faces.jok 8820
Large Collection of Smiley Faces
faces2.jok 8339
Various Emoticons
famous.bug 52609
Famous Bugs List, Courtesy of Dave Curry
faxhumor.txt 1529
The Guide to Safe Faxing
fever.hum 6455
The Tragedy of Online Addiction, by Steve King
fidohist.hum 16410
FidoNet History and Operation 8 Feb 85
fifth.hum 5282
Laidback with (a) Fifth, By John Unger Zussman 3924
VMS Operations Manual. See Figure One
figure_1.txt 5400
AT&T Customer Service Manual. See Figure One.
five.lws 10289
The Adventures of Lone Wolf Scientific #5: Bad Days Befall The People's Republic of Engineering, by M. Peshota
flame.hum 7136
Come Join the Famous Flamer's School
flame.txt 6007
The Flamers' Bible
flame_sc.hoo 6909
Ever Dreamed of Flaming with the Big Boys? Come to the Flamer's School!
flamform.txt 1824
The Flame Posting Form
flattire.jok 616
The Flat Tire Joke
fluke-cm.sng 2179
The Deteriorata Reprogrammed to be Computer Centric
foot.1 2001
How to Determine Which Programming Language You're Using:
foot.2 2117
Further Tests to See Which Programming Language You're Using
for-everything 1657
TRN TRN TRN (For Everything...) Parody
fpgmmers.hum 4602
Join the Famous Programmer's School
free.wheel 6590 a reprise, by Brian Reid
funny.jok 66971
Large Collection of Computer-Related Jokery
gamedec.jok 6314
How DEC Works (Australian Perspective)
gameplay 5143
What Real Gamers Do and Don't Do by Fritz Mertens (March 15, 1985)
gatesprodigy.txt 1034
What Does Bill Gates' Daughter and Prodigy Have in Common? 2951
Review of Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by Douglas R. Hofstadter
geek.txt 6821
"A Letter From a Confirmed Geek", by Jolly Roger of Neon Knights/Metal Communications
geekcode.txt 55071
The Code of the Geeks v3.12 by Robert A. Hayden (March 5, 1996)
geekguide.txt 7839
A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys
geeknerd.hum 1462
Geeks and Nerds, by The Data Blitz
geeknerd.txt 1381
Geeks and Nerds: An Informative File by the Data Blitz 11/20/84
geeks 3467
Guide to BBS Geeks
genasys.txt 6284
Gen A Sys: The Book of Genesis Retold with Computers
genesis.doc 9409
The New Creations from Genesis Corporation
genesis.hum 3999
The Story of Creation, or the Myth of Urk
genesis.jok 2125
In the Beginning, God Created the Bit
genesis.txt 6801
Genesis Release 2.5
genesys.hum 6619
Genesis Release 2.5
getdrunkcheap.txt 14166
globbing 3690
Why Kernels Are Subjected to Bloat
glossary.jok 3908
An Alternate Version of the Software Universe
glossary.txt 4056
Getting to Know Your Computer: A Short Glossary of Computer Terms
gmhelpline.txt 2466
The General Motors Technical Support Line
gnsb3-cl.txt 121578
The Great Net Prayerbook
gnsb3-mu.txt 615756
The Great Net Spellbook
gnu.gnu 1944
Press Release for GNU GNURM, the Improved Internet Worm!
gnu.sub 1692
The GNU Submarine Sandwich
goldi.flisp 8006
The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears translated to Fortran
goodc.hum 5733
2nd Annual Obfuscated Contest Winners
gospel.hak 6004
The Gospel According to St. Hacker
gradstud.tim 6868
A Grad-Student Emotion Checklist
gryara01.txt 49236
Gray Areas Magazine, by Nutta Gilbooa (Parody) Issue #1 (January, 1995)
gsl.announ 20813
Reports of the Graduate Student Lunch's Demise have been Greatly Exaggerated
gtdocs.hum 8100
gubs.txt 2268
Collection of Emoticons and Acronyms for use on Fido BBSs.
guide12.txt 3498
The Twelve Year Old's Guide to Computing 1923
Gateway to Net Ten (Parody) by Mark Lotter
hack.poem 9500
hack_pom.txt 2215
Casey at the Byte (Parody)
hacker.dressing 2436
How a Hacker Chooses His Clothing (ASCII Diagram) 2539
The Hacker's Song (Parody)
hacker.tes 21478
The Hacker Test, by Felix Lee, John Hayes and Angela Thomas (June 16, 1989)
hacker.tst 21309
The Hacker Test, Version 1.0 (June 16, 1989)
hackerbarbie.txt 2541
The Hacker Barbie is Introduced
hackers.hum 10112
Hackers: What Pussies! By Mr. Curious
hackers.jok 89025
The MIT Jargon File by Guy L. Steele Jr., Raphael Finkel, Donald Woods, Geoff Goodfellow and Mark Crispin (November 14, 1982)
hacksong.txt 5570
I'm a Hacker and I'm OK (Monty Pythod Parody) by Dave Touretzky and Don Libes
hacktest 21120
The Hacker Test Version 1.0 (June 16, 1989)
hacktest.txt 20527
The Hacker Test, Version 1.0, 1989
hakawath.jok 13192
The Song of Hakawatha, by F.X. Reid
hal.txt 4577
HAL, we Have a Problem: You're not IBM Compatible 3184
Is HAL a clever reworking of IBM? This author thinks so.
handle.txt 10473
How to Choose and Alias, written by The Sheister/UMass Bandit
har9408.txt 22041
HAM: Humor Accidentally Read (Parody of Random Access Humor) August, 1994
hasidunx.txt 2243
The Chasidic UNIX Chart by Eric Raymond, Arlie Stephens, David Oster
hexappea 4151
Software Goes Hardware by Unknown
highway.txt 2131
If Superhighways Were Like the Internet
hitch.hikers 6841
The Hitchiker's Guide to the Net, 1982
hitchout.hum 2555
Jason's Logout for the Milliways BBS
horror.story 48007
Large Collection of Hacking Horror Stories
how_to_g.bed 1954
How to Get a Hacker to Bed; Phrases to Turn Him/Her On
how_to_p.c 969
How to program and Debug in C: The Quick list
hp-fonts.jok 14813
The Complete Hewlitt Packard Font Catalog, Which is Odd
hp-fonts.txt 14679
A Particularly funny Hewlitt Packard Font Catalog (!)
hum1.txt 7240
Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Lines, and No Question Seems to be Too Basic (March 1st, 1994)
ibm&god.txt 5940
IBM Gets its First Contract, with God
ibm.son 6461
The IBM Songbook
ibm.update 1945
New Updates and Fixes to IBM/VU
ibm3090.txt 3842
Why I like the IBM 3090 (Or Maybe Not)
ibm360.jok 2383
HCF instruction: from Principles of Operation (Halt and Catch Fire)
ibmhumor.hum 12691
Addendum to System/370 Assembler
ibmos.txt 3127
IBM Offers the new Virtual Universe Operating System (January 30, 1979)
ibmrules.hac 1365
There are Rules for Driving a Computer, Too
ibmrules.txt 1376
There are Rules for Driving a Computer, Too
ibmsong2.txt 6198
The IBM Songbook: March on with IBM
ibmvuo.hum 2592
ideassof.hum 2605
Really Useful Software Ideas
idr.txt 1865
The Industrial Dude Ranch
ieee.defs 2922
Small Collection of Reviewed Engineering Definitions from the IEEE
ien137.txt 36203
On Holy Wars and a Plea for Peace
inbetwee.hum 14085
What Happened in Between, by Rueben Flagg
infinity.jok 3698
The Infinity Properties
infinity.txt 1914
The Mathematic Formulas for Infinity
info.expngr 2529
A Dream Turns to a Nightmare for the National Inquisitor
infohighway.txt 550
Top Ten Anagrams for "Information Superhighway"
infohum.hum 8530
Some Infocom Humor
insane4.txt 9728
Lamer Pirate Magazines, Etc. by The Grim Reaper (February 3, 1992)
inter.face 4097
On the Human to Machine Interface
intercal.jok 53702
The Intercal Manual, from Don Woods and James Lyon
intohell.hum 11233
Hacking Into Hell -- The True Story of Harry Poindexter
intro.hum 5827
An extremely funny login screen to the Utopia BBS
is.modem.entity 7552
Is There a Modem Entity by Shadow Stories, Inc.
isp.txt 899
Top 10 Signs You Picked The Wrong Internet Service Provider
jargon-r 5248
The MIT/Stanford AI Jargon File (April 1, 1992 Version)
jargon.68 87324
Ancient Version of the Jargon File
jargon.doc 1069207
Jargon File Verison 2.9.9 (April 1, 1992) 3807
GLossary for Research Papers
jargon.tex 87299
Jargon File from November 14, 1982
jargon.txt 96221
The Glossary of Jargon, by Guy L. Steele, Jr., et al
jleet0.txt 7551
A Day in the Life of Johnny Leet0: The Story of an Elite Kiddie by RogersFX
job.msg 950
joe.lisp 3956
The Adventures of Joe Lisp, T Man
k-k00ld.hum 5158
The History of the K-K00l DUDE, by The Edge
k.k00l.doods 5248
The History of Real K-K00l Dudes by The Edge
k00l.txt 6359
The History of Real K-K00L D00DS by The Edge
kbprayer.txt 640
The Keyboard Prayer
ken_olson 3572
A Nice Juicy Ken Olsen Quote about how UNIX Is Doomed
kidia 2048
The Twit Filter: The Know-It/Done-It-All by Dave Bealer
kightlin.hum 12978
Chat Logs with the Maniac Jack of the now-defunct Kightline
killbunn.hum 5013
How to kill the Easter Bunny DEAD! by The Outland
kooldoo3.txt 3961
K-K00L D00Ds Part III, by Radioactive Snail
kubla.kahn 2429
HACKADU, Parody of Xanadu
kubla_k.ahn 2495
In Hackadu did Hackers Few an Awesome program-hack command....
l&dgeek.hum 9099
The Life and Death of a Modem Geek, by Dr. Atomic
l.t.modem.geek 7168
The Life and Times of a Modem Geek by A Modem User of Anarchy, Inc.
label.hum 3748
Clothes Labels Decoded, by Bruce Goldman
lamehelp.txt 2663
Helpful in Finding the Lamers: A Guide
lamer-6.txt 11890
Lamer! By Professor Fuze (January 31, 1995)
languag.jok 699
Al Stevens Explains all Computer Languages
language.txt 5894
Computer Programming Languages to Look Out For
lateonen.txt 4087
Late One Night, they Screw Up a Computer System
lauren.digest 6758
A Digest of Messages from Lauren Weinstein, an infinitely Amusing Person 1579
Troutman's Laws of Computer Programming
lawsuits.jok 923
Microsoft has a Patent on Look-And-Feel Lawsuits
lblbjoke.txt 3453
The DEC Light Bulb Joke
leary.hum 5538
An Interview with Timothy Leary
lechhate.txt 7353
What Leeches Hate about AE SysOps, by Crackmaster
leech.txt 2770
Definition and Overview of The Leech by Mutant Offspring
leech2.hum 3403
Leeches, by The Grim Reaper
leeches 3980
The True Leech Hazard by The Rocker
leeches!.hum 11312
The Society of Leeches, by Mister I/O
leechesd.txt 10650
The Leech Dictionary by the Blue Buccaneer
leechin.hum 4654
The Leech at Work, by The Rocker 2886
Ode warning of leeching
lesser.prg 2801
The Lesser Known Programming Languages
lifecycl.jok 7558
The Software Life Cycle, as told Biblically
lingo2.txt 410
Computer Company Acronyms
lisalegacy.txt 54318
The Legacy of the Apple Lisa, by David T. Craig (February 16, 1993) 3728
Actual Ad for LISP Programmers from the Boston Globe 2935
The Story of the Lisp.Ad File, by Kalman Reti (May, 2005) 3815
How Many Artifical Intelligence People does it take to Change a Light-Bulb?
loser 3174
The List of Real Losers by Chaotic Computers (1985)
lozerzon 13130
The Lozer Zone by The Circle Spellbook (1985)
lozerzon.000 12187
Tale from the Loser Zone by The Circle Spellbook, Inc (1985)
lozerzon.txt 14016
The Loser Zone, by The Circle Spellbook 2939
The Man Page for LSD
ludeinfo.txt 9217
The Basics of Luding by Sinbad Sailor
luke.vax 5084
The Further Adventures of Luke Vaxhacker
machine.bls 1119
Blessings on this Fine Machine by Zhahai Stewart
macsmack.hum 2516
Someone gripes about that new-fangled Macintosh
macterr.hum 5998
Comparing a Macintosh and a Cairn Terrier
magweed1.txt 8866
Dr. Arcane's Guide to Maggot Weeding, Volume 1.0
manifest.pc 17542
The PC Manifesto, Featuring a PC Primer and Revised PC Edition 58428
Collection of Funny Man Pages That Someone Collected (In Shell Format)
markv.hum 1720
The Mark V Security System is ACTIVE! 2284
The Parable of the Master Programmer
math.jok 14853
Physicists vs. Mathematicians
math.record 1241
Some Different Mathematical Records 942
Math Disproved Via Sex
mathfarm.txt 2407
The Progression of Farm Math Problems over the Years
mathglos.txt 1735
Mathematics Glossary: Deciphering what Math Teachers Say
mathimp.txt 4177
Impure Mathematics: The Story of Polly Nomial
maths.txt 5060
Simplified Mathematics, from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol. 35, No. 1
mathtest.jok 3843
The Mathematics Purity Test
mcdonnel.reg 5099
The McDonnell Douglass Warranty Card
mdmgeek.txt 8960
The Life of a Modem Geek
measure.jok 3484
A Student Creates Tons of Cool Ways to Measure a Building with a Barometer
mel.txt 9606
Let Me Tell You The Way It Used To Be: PURE HEX PROGRAMMING
melvin.hum 2304
Computer Melvins, by The Watcher
micro.sto 4519
Micro (Offensive to computers and computer-wanna-bes) by Optimist Prime
microgod.txt 4288
Microsoft Bigs to Acquire Catholic Church
midas.jokes 680
Richard Stallman's "Guess What This Does"
milli.amp 1569
The Adventures of Micro-Farad and Milli-Amp
misc_com.jok 1930
Miscellanous Computer Jokes
misuse.notes 6067
No More `Star Trek' on CPU, by Jake Kirchner, CW Washington Bureau, Washington D.C.
mitsai.jargon 25924
Some MIT Artificial Intelligence Definitions
modem.pai 15189
List of the Modem Pail Kids
modem_us.txt 15244
The Modem Pail Kids
modemgee 3202
How to Tell if YOU are a Modem Geek! By The $heik (January 27, 1985)
modemgod.hum 7596
Is there a Modem Entity?
modempai.txt 15082
Modem Pail Kids: The Collection
modemuse.hum 1640
Field Guide to Modem Users
molly1.txt 6425
The Adventures of Molly Modem
molly2.txt 6136
The Adventures of Molly Modem #2
molly3.txt 7713
The Adventures of Molly Modem: #3
molly4.txt 10144
The Adventures of Molly Modem: #4
molly5.txt 10249
The Adventures of Molly Modem #5
molly6.txt 15183
The Adventures of Molly Modem #6
molly7.txt 10311
The Adventures of Molly Modem #7
molly8.txt 11436
The Adventures of Molly Modem #8
money.spoof 18304
Parody of Make Money Fast!
moon's.ghost 1698
The Ghost of Dave Moon
mr.prtocl 7400
Ask Mr. Protocol!
mudtest.jok 6888
The Mudder's Test (Version 1.0)
mumps.messag 1299
A partial trace of a few cycles of MUMPS [Mutually Uncooperative Multi-Processing System] execution
munchkin.txt 8449
Some New Definitions for Munchkins in the BBS Scene
murphy 4002
Murphy's Laws of Computers
murphy.txt 10137
The Laws of Computing
mydick.txt 2192
The Problems with a Computer Called MYDICK
nasa.jargon 11775
Glossary of NASA Terminology
neander.txt 2732
Ask Dr. Stupid: Am I a Neanderthal
nerd1.txt 3652
How you know you are a true blue Nerd, by Bug Byter
nerd2.txt 6986
How to Meet and Marry the Nerd of Your Choice, by Geneva March
nerd_te.st2 5240
The Nerdity Test, Squid Version
nerd_test2 5086
The Nerdity Test, Squid Version, September 1990
nerds.hum 2809
What Makes a Nurd Most, by Mad Max
net.header 2891
The Net Message Header from Hell
net.rum 164911
Computer-Related Horror Stories
netguide.txt 88141
Hitch Hikers Guide To The Net
netnews.10 1329
Top Ten Problems with Netnews
new.langs 3347
Some New Computer Languages
new.yorker 6736
Some Bizzzare Articles from the New Yorker
newibm.hum 5377
All the New Instructions for IBM's New Chip
newlang.txt 13139
Computer Languages from the Enforcer and Friends
newpc.hum 3260
A New, Very Personal, Computer
newsguru.txt 20634
The Yellow Brick Road in Cyberspace? Story.
newusega.hum 3281
New Users: A Guide to Parasites and Weeding them out
newuser.txt 3437
Parasite Pamphlet #3: New Users... How to Detect and Destroy Them
night.mare 3385
What if the World Took on the UNIX Philosophy?
nightlec.hum 4001
The Night of the Leeching Dead, by Apple Core
nine.lws 13244
The Adventures of Lone Worlf Scientific #9
not4 2097
Were it Not for Computers, by Tim Casady
ns01n01.txt 6494
NET.SCANDALL: A Weekly Compendium of Ascii (April 1994)
nuke.txt 3072
QBX-1: Single-Board Nuclear Reactor Supplies Standby Power for 12 Years!
null_pro.lan 3509
NULL: A Computer Language Breakthrough
obsessed.hum 2740
Obsession with Computers? No Fooling THIS Guy!
old_book.lst 4656
Stuff Someone is throwing out, with funny reviews
ollie1.hum 3072
Secret Transmission from the President's BBS, circa 1987
olympics91 39284
The USENET Olympics 1991
olympics92 48242
The Usenet Olympics 1992
olympics92-winter 31114
The USENET Winter Olympics 1992
opcodes.hum 3715
Lots and Lots of Fake Machine OpCodes
opcodes.lis 30436
David Sanderson's Large Collection of OPCodes That Should Exist
opcodes.txt 22242
The False Opcodes List, Updated Several Times (September 9, 1985)
opcodes1.jok 3386
Some Historical Perspective on Humorous Opcodes
opcodes2.jok 2463
Collection of Bizzare Op-Codes
operator.opc 5353
Dave Campbell's Collection of Humorous Opcodes
orgasm.pas 4342
The Orgasm (A Pascal Program)
os.txt 1988
If Operating Systems Ran Airlines
os2tags.1 3280
OS/2 One-Liners
osxintel.txt 1905
OS X/Intel is NOT dead!
paranoid.txt 1817
Top 10 list of activities for paranoid computer scientists
pascjoke.txt 14064
Ha! it Turns Out Pascal is One Big Joke!
pc-mag.hum 3987
PC Readers Locate Stories with New Index Program
pchumor.txt 3401
Guide to Computer Language
pcsarepc.txt 1512
PCs are PCs (sing along to People are People by Depeche Mode)
pdp-*.list 5784
List of DEC's PDPs, by Mark Crispin
peat.hum 532
The Peat Moss Event
pentcomp.jok 3223
The Penthause PET
penthaha.txt 2101
Collection of Pentium Error Jokes
perfpgm.hum 1499
The Perfect Programmer: A Poem
pets.txt 1453
Announcement of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Software
pgmrsong.jok 2464
Of course I never wanted to be a Lumberjack; I wanted to be a PROGRAMMER!
pgp-filk.txt 1103
A Filk Song About PGP
pgs.crazed 1808
Saving Sylvia's Terminal
phantoma.txt 14967
The Phantom of the operator
phideaux.hum 2406
Poodle Sisters Software: Phydeaux-Net!
pirates.hum 2190
The Pirate's Sniglets, by The G-Man
piratpsy.hum 4310
Psychology of the Software Pirate, By The Beast
place.jok 3505
Man Page for Place 3582
Man page for Placing Systems
poorsysp.hum 1610
A Sysop .... by The Silver Ghost
pournell.spo 4092
Computing an Anarchy Acres by Jerry Richdudley (Parody of Jerry Pournelle) by Jon Forrest (December 21, 1988) 8068
The Usenet Guide to Power Posting
prayer.pgm 562
The Programmers' Prayer
prayer.txt 820
The Programmers' Prayer
programm.pra 2446
The Programmer's Prayer (June 4, 1989)
programmers-blues 3793
The Programmer's Blues (Filk)
progtec.hum 3471
Desperate Programming Techniques
proof.omni 419
OMNI Magazine Proves that 2=1
psalm.ti 873
The Mathematician's Prayer
pure.mat 1848
The Story of Poor Pure Percy P
pussy_ea.las 3265
Laser Printer Sucks Up Cat
quiche.txt 3666
Real Programmers Don't Eat Quiche
quick.jok 8065
Quick List of Joking Definitions
quux.poem 54044
Random Computer Poetry, ot The Great Quux
r0dent.hum 10222
The Birth of a Rodent, by The Warlock Lord of Metal Communications
rah_syst 4187
If System Administrators Designed Cars
real.pgmrs 23955
Real Programmers Don't Use PASCAL
realco.hum 4041
Real Computers, by Matt Gertner
realeng.sof 3393
Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps
realleec.hum 5864
The Real Leech Guide Part I. Excellent Tree. 9262
Real Programmers Write in Fortran? No way!
realprog.hum 5325
Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal!
rec.por 3576
The last Word on the Rec.Porn.Child Debate (Parody of Rec.Humor.Funny and Brad Templeton) 4342
The Lurker in the Interrecord Gap
relays_1 2693
Using Your Boots to Clear a Relay
resent.mail 1235
Someone Being Annoyed about the "Resent" Field
resrch.phrase 1347
Dictionary of useful Research Phrases
rfc748.txt 2743
The Randomly Lose Telnet Option
rfk.821 3650
The SMTP Polymorph Command
rider.txt 4611
MacWeeny Rider (to the tune of "Uneasy Rider") 5870
A Manual Page for a Much More Effective RM Command
robin.hod 6655
The Story of the Robin Hood Hackers
robot.tes 3754
Are You About to Employ a Robot
robotte.txt 3296
Are you About to Employ a Robot?
roia93 4408
1993 RAH Online Industry Awards by Dave Bealer
roultman.jok 962
A Man Page for Russian Roulette
rr.jok 1073
Man page for Russian Roulette
ryfm.txt 4851
Why is RYFM Disease Widespread? (READ YOUR FRIGGIN' MANUAL!)
safe-fax.asc 6340
The Important Rules for Safe Fax 1514
Story-telling in computer languages
saturday.txt 10485
What Leeches and Other Losers Do on Saturday Nights, by The Blue Buccaneer
scientis 3560
Real Computer Scientists Don't Write Code
scribe.suport 733
Someone Had a Bad Day Providing Scribe Support
scrtch.monkey 2274
The Story of the Scratch Monkey
sears.vax 5572
New VAX Reseller Sears Expects To Clean Up With Its Latest Offering
secrets.jok 2167
User's Guide to Little Known Facts About Computers
select.lng 3476
Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy
sentit.phk 1196
The Slipped Disk rants about how cool he is. Little prick.
sesame.2 5353
Programmers on Sesame Street 5056
Horizons in Computer Science Educational Technology by Ross Williams (June 3, 1988)
sesame_s.cs 4412
Computer Science Sesame Street
seven.lws 10500
The Adventures of Lone Wolf Scientific Episode 7: The House Guest with 172 Soldering Irons by M. Peshota
sexx.jok 7898
Computer Program for Computers to have Sex with People
signatur.jok 9735
Collection of Signature Files
silicon.txt 9864
The Joke of Silicon Valley, by Judith Stone
simgames.txt 3908
Documentation for SIM-Crackhouse
slings.arrows 1545
Structured Programmer's Soliloquy
slings_a.rro 1583
The Structured Programmer's Soliloquy
sloppy.hum 1579
Sloppy Floppies, or Polarid's New Cleaning Techniques
smart.basic? 2194
All the Programs you'll Ever Need for $600
smiles.txt 2620
Communications Breakthrough: The Smiley List, after Scott Fahlman at CMU
smiley 6826
The Unofficial Smiley Dictionary
smiley.face 1412
Smiley Face Catalog, from 1983
smiley.txt 7530
Collection of Smiley Faces
smileys.2 12847
Collection of Emoticons
smileys.jok 7249
Additional Collection of Smiley Faces
smilie$d 14137
Large Collection of Smileys
sniglets.txt 5083
A Collection of Modem Signets Volume #1 by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
software 3459
Real Software Engineers Don't Read Dumps
software.txt 105145
SOFTWARES: Part IV, a New Hype (Star Wars Parody)
soulcatc.txt 9470
About Copy Protection and Selling your Soul
spispopd.faq 26802
The Official SPISPOPD FAQ Prerelease Version 1.0 by Seth Cohn
spispopd.txt 4813
Why Doom has an Inside Joke to Usenet, or How I Helped Create a Cheat Key Code by Seth Cohn
sprite.txt 1487
Walk of Sprite: Parody of Walk of Life by Dire Straits, by Melt Cober (1986)
stuck.key 486
The All punctuation Drinking Song
stupdsig.txt 9812
A Collection of Stupid .signatures
sun.boot 7517
Pros and Cons of Sun Workstations from 1987
sun_on_t.far 2879
Why they chose Sun Workstations Down on the Farm
superuser.txt 6252
The Arguments for a Super User from Different Departments
sweep.stakes 752
Typical Junkmal, OK, WEIRD Junkmail, 1983
swwars.jok 60272
Software Wars, by Mark Crispin
swwars.txt 59362
Software Wars, by Mark Crispin
sys286.msg 24134
Nasty Parody of Symbiotics Documentations (Slimebiotics)
sysadmin.txt 2779
Should I Become an Astronaut, Firefighter, or System Administrator?
syslose.hum 9077
The Sysop's Guide to Loozers Leeches and Rodents
sysmgr.sty 61093
The Adventures of System Restriction Underwriter Manager
sysopblu.txt 4871
The Tough Times of Being a Sysop
sysopfun.hum 6684
Sysop fun! By Surf Rat
sysoppt.txt 2194
The System Operator Purity Test 7712
Machine Room Operations
system_g.ens 6647
Genesis Release 2.5, by Michael Coleman
taking_c.dis 1789
Different Ways of Taking Care of Your Disks
teachers 10525
Real Computer Teachers by The Joker, The Slipped Disk, the Datamaster and Mark Hamill
technica.har 2987
What is Technical harassment?
techsup.txt 693
The Top 10 Reasons for Calling Technical Support Hotlines
tenne.c 8446
New C Language Derivative: Tenne-C!
terms.hum 7567
An Unabridged, Uncommon, and Unnecessary Dictionary of Computer Terminology, from King Herman
testfors.txt 3643
Tests for System Analysts (Reworking of the famous 'Final Test')
tex.use 3141
A portrait of the TeX novice/user/hacker.
texas.txt 1957
The Official Grotto Primer of Elementary Texan
the.future 5335
Zork, RAMS and the Curse of Ra: Computo, ergo sum by Curt Suplee, Smithsonian magazine, April 1983
the.last.bug 917
The Last Bug
the_hack.tes 20193
THE HACKER TEST - Version 1.0
the_main.env 11671
New Employee Orientation: The Mainframe Environment from a Training Perspective
the_net.txt 3138
It's True! I Heard it on the Net!
thecompu.txt 11162
The Compleat Nerd Dictionary, by The Quartz Revision 2.0, 1985
thepasca.txt 4807
the Pascal Programmer and the C Programmer, by The Shooting Shark
thesocie.txt 13594
The Society of "Leeches" in the Telecommunications World by Mister I/O
timeline.lan 1222
Bizarre Computer Language Timeline
timewarp.jok 3964
Thank Goodness of Computer Technology!
to_my_da.hus 1988
To My Darling Husband, the Computer Addict 2959
Administrator's Note About the Water Closet
tolkien.rin 17236
The Tolkien Ring Network
ton.jok 16717
Humorous Computer Dictionary (1988)
tonkinsc.txt 16334
Tonkin's First Computer Dictionary, 1987
troff.jok 4050
Introducing a new "portable" macro package for troff-like processors (DEEP GEEK HUMOR)
tst8.txt 30397
Tech Support Tales #8
turbo.cadr 1335
Vrooom!, or, Turbo-CADR-19
turing.shr 4776
The Turing Sroud: An Amazing Archaeological Discovery!
turkey.hum 3726
Going Cold Turkey, by The Blue Buccaneer
typicaol.txt 3468
AOL's Diary, from Anonymous
u_songs.txt 4504
A Few MIT Drinking Songs
ultimate.spr 7910
Excellent Response by Digital to a VMS Leap year Complaint
ultimav.hum 7553
The Ultimate Ultima
unc90.cor 5433
A Notice of Change in Course Schedule by Kevin Denelsbeck (September 21, 1990)
unifid.field 1162
The Unified Field Theory
unisys.jok 2451
The Burroughs/Sperry (now Unisys) Merger Song
universa.vax 1106
God Logs Onto his VAX
unix-stories 22756
Adminstration Horror Stories From the Usenet (1992)
unix.admin.horror-1.1 141662
The Unofficial Unix Administration Horror Story Summary, version 1.1
unix.cmd 3228
Funny UNIX Commands to Type
unix.jok 920
Unix Jokes
unix.ooh 6589
Creative Writing Project: The UNIX Program Gone Bad
unix.rm 5998
A new version of rm(1) for DOD contractors by Steve Baur (1989)
unix_laf.txt 1216
Some Funny Things You Can Type in Unix
unixhoax.txt 4598
Creators Admin C, UNIX is a Hoax (April 1, 1991)
unixkill.txt 3413
Manual Entry for XKILL, which Kills Processes and the users who start them!
unixlove.jok 9610
Rant about UNIX, and USENIX as well
unixtrek.txt 4291
unixtrix.txt 143498
A VERY Large Collection of UNIX Shell Tricks
unixttl1.hac 31322
UNIX Communication Commands, Part I
unixwars.txt 25526
The UNIX Wars Saga, Version 1.1
usenet.oly 44437
The Usenet Sports Programming Network presents: Exclusive Coverage of the Men's Flame Baiting Finals
usenet_b.fax 3766
PLTS Announces "Netnews by Fax"
usenet_g.pos 7957
The USENET Guide to Power Posting
ussrmodm.txt 7168
Split Personalities on Electronic Bulletin Boards, by Rangott Splieken
utopia.hum 3193
A Login Session with Utopia BBS
uzi&comp.txt 2663
The Uzi vs. The Computer, by Yossie Silverman
uzivs.jok 1602
The UZI Versus the Computer
valgol.txt 2194
Announcing VALGOL, the Valley Girl Operating Language
valguy.hum 2836
Silicon Valley Guy (to the Tune of Valley Girl)
vangojok.txt 3220
The Writings of a Minor 19th Centure Post-Impressionist Programmer
vaporwre.1 10149
Murph's VAPORWARE column for March 1990
vaporwre.2 6591
Murph's VAPORWARE column for April 1990
vaxen.jok 15163
The Infamous VAXEN War Story
vaxlaws.hum 5476
The Law of the VAXes
vaxtrek.1 3650
Vax Trek V The Movie: "The Crunchy Bits"
vi_addic.txt 1580
Addicted to VI (Parody of Addicted to Love)
virtual.mem 2743
I/O Deja Vu: A Farce in one act
virus.hack 1969
Look Out for this New Virus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
virus.joke 3822
The Michelangelo Virus Hysteria Syndome
virus.txt 4325
A List of Humorous Viruses
vmexplan.hum 4032
A Very Weird Explanation of Memory Paging
voyager.hum 8576
The Voyage of the Digi-Nerds
vu.txt 2554
IBM's Virtual Universe Operating System
w95startmeup 2925
Song Parody of "Start Me up" by Dix/Dem (1995)
warbitch.hum 8769
BitchWar Manual #1, by Barney Badass
warbitch.txt 9225
B-File #1: Barney Badass's Bitch War manual
wargames.txt 9762
Is Wargames Possible? Bullshit! By The Jabberwock
warning.hum 2619
Warning! This Machine Intentionally Goes Down! 14307
Bored by Pascal? A Posting from Magnus (September 29, 1989)
weirdpro.txt 13454
The Bored by pascal? Series
what_is_.gur 2956
How to Tell if You Have a UNIX Guru in the House
who-me.hum 9214
So You Want to be a SysOP
why-text.oct 3437
Why I Like Textfiles, by Jason Scott
why_i_li.309 3790
Why I Like the IBM 3090
win95.txt 3303
Joke Press Release: Windows Buys Up Satisfaction
winjokes.txt 11956
Six Gabillion Anti-Windows/Microsoft Taglines
wint95experience.txt 7852
Out of the Box with Windows 95 (August, 1995) 1742
IMMANUEL: A Wisdom Based System for Discovering Deep Philosophical Ideas
writdocd.hum 8043
How to Write Documentation Documentation (Needs Editing)
xdos7.txt 5353
Christian Deity Ontological System Version 7 (XDOS 7.0), or Christianity 7
xtnd8088.txt 4604
Extended Op-Code Set for 8088/8086, or What Intel forgot To Tell.
yale.1 1993
An Example of a Fake AI System
you're.tired? 1059
Art Buchwald's Story about Why You're So Tired 5675
DL-232: A suggestion for even more stupid signals on computer cables
zendocum.txt 4118
Zen and the Art of Software Documentation by W.C. Carlson
zippy_eliza 6055
Attacking on ELIZA with some ZIPPY Quotes
zzzmodem.txt 5145
ZZZMODEM: The Slowest Modem Protocol Ever

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